Totally Sweet Songs to Make Hot Passionate Raunchy Ridiculous Helmet Requiring Sticky Sweaty Sheet Ruining Love to this Valentines Day
by Brian Williamson | DEEPTHOUGHTYOURSELF STAFF WRITER
That's right, it's Valentine's Day, which means two things are certain, 1) You're going to buy thoughtless gifts at the last minute, and 2) you're going to get laid to-night!!! WOO-HOO!!!
Maybe tonight will be your first time with a new lady. Maybe you've been dating for a while and it's time to try something new (read: anal). Maybe you've been dating the same person for years and the thought of plain old V-Day hammertiming isn't getting your little Heath Ledger to wake up.
With that in mind, we've put together a list of songs that'll get things going down there if you know what I'm saying, and if you don't know what I'm saying I'm talking about sexual intercourse. Just like you learned about in Health class.
In no particular order:
"I'd Do Anything For Love" MEATLOAF
After Meat's role in Fight Club, "I'd Do Anything for Love" has to be his second best contribution to society. It's the ultimate foreplay icebreaker with equal parts nostalgia, humor, and thesecret love for this song that's deep inside every one of us.
Hint: Download the radio version. The 12-minute joint might not give you enough time. You're welcome.
"Freak Me (I Wanna Lick You Up and Down)" SILK
Having this song play as you make sweet love to your girl is as close to being black as you're going to get. Yep, I said it. Racial.
"Whoomp! There It Is!" TAG TEAM
This track might throw her off for a second, but hang in there. She'll get it when the chorus comes. She'll say "Wait, I don't get it. Where 'what' is?" Then POW - right in the kisser!!!
"Can I Touch You There" MICHAEL BOLTON
This no-talent ass clown didn't win a grammy for this song, but it's all you need to convey what you can't put into words. Isn't it sad that this long-haired Kevin Costner can close hotter ass than any of us? Terrible, but thanks for the hits Mike. P.S. Office Space was kidding. Nobody celebrates your entire collection.
<
"You Remind Me of Something" R. KELLY
This song proves that if you can construct simple sentences that remotely rhyme, it'll get you laid. To paralyric from the Blue Album hit:
"You remind me of my jeep...I want to ride it"
"Something like my sound...I want to pump it"
"Girl you look just like my car...I want to wax it"
"And something like my bank account...I want to spend it"
Analogies rule. Remember to jot some down for her birthday.
Speaking of R. Kelly...
"I Wanna Piss On You" DAVE CHAPPELLE
Let's be honest, you kind of liked 2girls1cup. Kermit liked it. Grandma liked it. We all did, but that doesn't mean we're going to actually try anything like that in bed. BUT maybe, just maybe, a little urine stream might be the thing to take your ritualistic love-making to the next level.
>>>BONUS SONG<<<
"Secret" ADAM SANDLER
When you figure out what the secret is, take action, do a Patron shot, and head to the closest bar 10 minutes before closing. Some lonely single girls might be lookin' to make a love connection.
